We’ve submitted our Stage One documents. Hurrah. As it turns out, writing my chronology wasn’t as painful as I’d feared; whilst the act of transcribing life’s hits and misses on a timeline isn’t the most pleasurable way to spend a Sunday morning (the addition of a Bloody Mary and bacon buttie would have made it eminently more enjoyable, but sadly this was not to be), it became a perfunctory task, the most challenging aspect to remember the dates these situations occurred (too many former Bloody Mary’s?) I also ensured that I included joyous things like periods of travel, the start of new relationships and promotions at work, amongst the litany of illness, death and break ups!
Our references are proving slightly harder to come by: the majority have been submitted (thanks all), but we’ve got one missing in the post: Cara’s Mam’s IT skills are akin to mine, but round two via recorded delivery will be wending its way to the agency shortly.
The other, from my Step Mum, is a little more complex. Again, a little background for you:
Following my Mothers death, my Dad brought me up and remained single for a long time and whilst we had a somewhat tumultuous relationship, we were a team nonetheless. When I was in my early teens a lady-friend came onto the scene (we shall called her WSM – Wicked Step Mother, her self proclaimed title). I stormed and raged; ‘cries of you’re not my Mum’ echoed the streets; I ran away to the local park, vowing never to come home, until it got dark and a bit creepy anyway; I refused to go to their wedding, essentially I was angry, selfish and sad. I desperately wanted to hurt someone, to make them feel like I did. Unfortunately, my Dad and WSM took the brunt of this – the saddest thing: she actually wasn’t (isn’t) that bad.
Then enter stage left…Motor Neurone Disease, what a nasty bastard. My Dad and WSM had been married for barely any time, I was 16 and heading off the rails in a horribly predicable fashion. Without going into the whole dastardly story, WSM cared for my Dad; he died when I was 18 and I disappeared. Guilt, remorse and all of those lovely things plagued my twenties and I moved away and intentionally avoided family/step family contact.
Now to today: I’ve come to terms with all of this business, I understand what caused me to behave the way I did, but the result of this sad set of circumstances, is that I don’t have a close relationship with my Stepmother.
However, WSM is my only relative. The agency require a reference from a family member. WSM wants to help us adopt, but has little insight or knowledge of my adult life.
The upside is that we will certainly see more of each other now, she is happy to become a Nanna, and we’re delighted that she’ll be part of our children’s lives.
So we’ve got an extension and we’re going out for dinner this week. We’ve got 15 years to catch up on, so whilst it’s going to be a brief reference, the longer lasting benefits of the process will undoubtedly be positive. family is a funny old thing.
In other news, we were supposed to be allocated a Social Worker by the end of this month, and with two days to go we haven’t heard anything. So, yeah, in between stages.