15. Stationary traffic

January should have seen all of our home study meetings take place. We dutifully completed our ‘homework’ and submitted prior to our first scheduled meeting with N. This essentially comprised of information supplied on multiple occasions previously, interspersed with little gems such as: ‘describe your childhood in three words’ and ‘your saddest memory of school’ (?)

N got in touch beforehand to let us know that some of our paperwork was still pending, rendering it impossible to begin stage 2…

My ex, who responded to my initial contact effusively, promising to complete the reference, has now disappeared and hasn’t responded to emails since December. His situation is quite complex and I’m aware even his family are struggling to get in contact, so I’m reluctant to keep hounding – who needs to hear their ex fiancee’s life is going well, when perhaps yours isn’t? I won’t lie, a few years ago I may have rubbed my hands in glee at this “ha, walk out on me fucko? look who’s having the last laugh now!” But actually it’s made me a bit sad: he’s not a bad bloke, we were going to get married afterall. A bit lost maybe and I’m not well placed to help him anymore.

My ‘counselor’ hasn’t responded yet, primarily because she was out of the country and secondly because she probably can’t remember who I am because we met so few times! Gah. I am so frustrated about that whole unnecessary fiasco. We’ve now been told that if she doesn’t provide enough detail about my state of mind, then I might have to undergo an independent mental health evaluation. Which, I quote, could be ‘time consuming and costly’. It’s a good thing my mental health is robust, otherwise I’d be on the floor!

The Local Authorities from all of the areas in which I have resided have also failed to respond, which is surprising, we were so close [sic.].

My expensive medical hasn’t been signed off. I don’t really know what that means, but it’s on the list of ‘haven’t dones’.

It’s worth noting that all of Cara’s paperwork has been returned, thus rendering me the mad old bird with dodgy exes who is holding the whole process up. Sorry love.

We are totally on board with the system; we’re glad that the process is rigorous, it keeps vulnerable children safe and protects potential adopters; our Social Worker has been great, keeping in touch and staying positive. I’m just feeling a bit miffed.

It’s now February and our home study should be complete. However we’re unable to move forward because a perennially unreliable man who I haven’t seen for 7 years; a local authority, who I had little contact with because I didn’t cause any trouble and a counselor I visited on on the advice of another agency haven’t supplied references. Conversely, our family and friends who know us best and will be actively involved with our family, have submitted their paperwork and met with N. Sigh.

On the upside, this does mean that we can continue to do things that people without children do, so we’re off to Jordan for another adventure before we become full time bum wipers!

One thought on “15. Stationary traffic

  1. A great response to this ranty post from a very good friend of ours (and referee in fact) …which includes my new favourite quote about the Council, te he.

    “I’m so sorry that the adoption process feels like it’s stopped in its tracks … Must be so annoying that the only people in the way are people that will have no bearing on your future life or family. Fucking council, all they do is make life harder for people and then empty our bins and expect us to be grateful. Anyway, I’m sure it won’t be long now. It’ll just be some jobsworth sitting there at work watching vloggers doing makeup tutorials, making sure they stick to the maximum possible time frame they have to get back you just because it’s their right. And then suddenly it’ll all come through in the space of a week and they’ll be like ‘YOU MAY ADOPT NOW, PLEASE CHOOSE A CHILD’ and you won’t be ready yet but my advice is DO NOT PANIC BUY.”

    Liked by 1 person

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